stop fucking bitching because all you people care about is yourself. damn it.
you don't do anything extra, but so fucking quick to spot someone else's mistake.
you never do more willingly, but only because you are fucking scared that it'll affect you.
you bitch and bitch and fucking bitch, and go all innocent when you hear people bitch about you.
fucking hell.
and remember, when you do something bad back to the person you hate, you are no fucking DIFFERENT ok.
you are those people who make this world such a fucked up place to live in. really fucked up.
.
Movie Parodies.
A Cindellera Story
[starring Hilary Duff as Cindellera, Linsay Lohan as herself, and Prince Charming as himself.]
Setting: At the ball. Cindellera was granted her wish by the fat toad she set free on that very Sunday afternoon.
Cindellera: "OH Charming! You look gorgeous today. What high cheekbones you have! OH! That greek-god body of yours! How it never fails to appear in every fairy-tale movie! OH! I knew I saw it somewhere! OH! It was on that guy who acted with me in Lizzie Maguire - the rip-off movie!"
Charming: "Oh my Princess. You say the sweetest things. Oh, how my heart aches for you to say more things like that!"
Cindellera: "OH yes! We shall Charming. Till the end of the ball, when I become poor and dirty looking again, will I then stop! OH!"
*stops short suddenly. her eyes narrows to slits."
Cindellera: "My arch rival! Lindsay Lohan!"
Lindsay: " Hey, that's my name, don't wear t out. I didn't see you."
Cindellera: "Stop lying! This is my movie. And you stole the funniest line in this whole movie! What are you doing here?!"
Lindsay: "Signing atuographs."
Cindellera: "Then I wanna sign too! Whatever you do, I'll do it better."
Lindsay: "Humph! I'll sing live!"
*Lindsay starts belting out her movie's theme song*
Cindellera: "Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams.."
*they out sing each other. suddenly the clock struck twelve."
Cinderella : [getting back into character] "OH! My goodness gracious me! I forgot about Charming and the time!"
*turns around, with her long hair slapping the waiter standing next to her.*
Cindellera: [announcing to the crowd] I'm late!
Crowd in unison: "For what?"
Cindellera: "For work!"
*Lindsay rolls her eyes at the lousy script and dialogue.*
Lindsay: [shouting after Cindellera's retreating evening gown] "It's gonna flop!"
*she shrugs and continues signing autographs.*
Lindsay: "Who cares? It's gonna help me sell even more albums anyway!"
There once lived a gunman who wanted to rob a honey bank. He needed honey to make tea, because he ran out of sugar. Therefore, he took a plane and arrived in New York City the next morning. He paid a hefty $600 for the plane ticket. At the airport, he tipped the luggage boy a generous $100 and struttered off. He flagged a cab and told the driver his destination.
From his coat, he then took out his sandwich and a cup of tea, which he stole from the plane. Damn it! He cursed loudly, "I don't have honey!". So he drank his bitter tea and his ham sandwich with sharksfin, and thought to himself, "what a poor life I lead!" Unhappy with just keeping it to himself, he complained, moaned and groaned to the driver about how unfortunate he was.
Finally after 2 hrs, he reached his destination. The taxi fare was $150, but again, he tipped him and the total amounted to $250. He walked a few steps, and into view came the honey bank! Boy was he glad.
In he went, and shouted "Hands Up!!" The owners , two elderly couples were at the counter shaking with fear. He said, "give me your all your honey you poor folks!"
And the poor rich gunman robbed the bank.
If there was smaller person than Mr. Bigs, there will be snow falling, at this very moment. Because Mr. Bigs is pretty much the shortest person in the world. Without a doubt. The funny thing was, Mr. Big’s parents, Mr and Mrs Bigs were actually quite tall! Why this was so, nobody knows. Doctors and scientists are stumped. With someone so small, is there a possibility of a scientific breakthrough? No. Because Mr. Bigs simply refuses to be experimented on. He claims that he is hurt and insulted.
What scientists don’t know is that Mr. Bigs is a non-conformist. He despises technology and science, because he thinks that they are the cause of unrest and outrage in this very planet we live in. Mr. Bigs is a man of many wonders, but people don’t see, because all they see is his height.
Mr Bigs can fly, jump as high as the cow that jumped over the moon and eat his lunch while sleeping. But nobody knows. They just want to measure his height and find out why.
Why.
Chapter One
He was drenched to the bone. His white shirt stuck to his body, outlining his physique. He looked about 50, but move closer, and you realise he has aged beyond his time. His eyes gave off an aura of surrender and exhaustion. The lines beneath hinted the burden of wisdom.
He stared beyond the raging sea before him. Today, there was only darkness. The waves continued its momentum, thrusting waves upon waves mercilessly against the cliff.
He thought of Janet, and the days she had spent with him on this very cliff watching the many sunrise and sunsets.
Above where he stood, the man closed his eyes, and felt the pelting rain hit his face with strong force. He knew he was at the end, and this was the point where he had to end it all.
With one last look at the night sky, he jumped. Together with him, into the sea of terror, Jack brought along the biggest secret kept from Mankind.
It was the biggest conspiracy since Man walked the Earth.
***
His body lay on shore, outlined by the silvery light of the moon. The wind blew, and the leaves rustled. An owl hooted into the peaceful night, but nothing stirred. It was a beautiful sight – a death of a truly enlightened man.
Chapter Two
Janet twirled the straw in her cup, causing bits of orange pulp to surface from the bottom where it had settled. The café was brightly lit by the morning sun. It was rush hour and everyone was pushing to get into queue, just to get a cup of coffee before work. Janet looked on. She was amused.
Sometimes, Janet questions her very existence. Very often, she felt that despair and hurt always outweigh the joys in life. Janet was a deep thinker, who sought answers instead of just living ignorant. It probably explains why she hasn’t had a boyfriend. She is much too smart for simple minds.
She had been waiting for an hour, but her dad hasn’t shown up. She sighed a weary sigh and laid her head on her arm. Janet knew her father was not coming.
Leaving a four-dollar bill on the table, she picked up her sling bag and headed for home.
***
A quote from the Straits Times 09/11/04, a hint that true religion isn’t the factor that’s causing the deaths of innocent Buddhists in South Thailand. It is the wrong concept, and it can happen anywhere, to any religion.
“Buddhists and Muslims have had good relations. The population around here is largely Muslim. They often help out in the temple. And I have helped Muslims raise money to build a mosque and an Islamic school. I don’t want to get into politics, it is not my place as a monk. But I tell people, be patient, everything is fated. Whether you are Muslim or Buddhist, we are all brothers and sisters. Terrorism can take place anywhere because there are good people and bad people everywhere, not just in Thailand.”
-Abbot Phra Kru Phraphattsorn
America has decided, and boy is it big news. Man, I see Bush and Kerry everywhere. When I buy tao gay from that nice aunty at the market, when I peep at the person’s newspaper beside me in the MRT train. And I know there’s extreme coverage when I see their faces covering dog poop. President Nathan didn’t even get that kind of publicity when he took over. So what’s the big deal? Oh yeah, stupid Bush gets re-elected. Now that’s news.
So now let’s turn the tables for just this moment. Imagine when PM Lee Hsien Long came into power. Can you imagine what kind of coverage The Guardian gave him? Think: On the front page, THE GUARDIAN is aligned center, top of the page. The headlines include “Thief accidentally kills the dog” and “Home owners can now own their gardens too!” Nowhere does it mention our Prime Minister. Now, you flip frantically, pages after pages when you finally reach page 37. You scan the page.. And finally! You see the 2cm by 2cm article, ‘Singapore’s new PM’ right at the bottom right of the page, just above the page number. And above the article is another groundbreaking news titled ‘Ant gets stepped on – in critical condition.’ And this arcticle measures 2.2cm by 2.3 cm.
But on a serious note, jokes aside, I kinda think the Americans are really quite smart.
It was reported in the Straits Times a few days back that Americans go to bookstores and buy in bulks, books that are politically for or against their favourite idol, I mean, candidate. This will give people make that book climb the best-seller list and let others think that a lot of people read the book.
I mean, that’s quite a brilliant plan isn’t it? I mean, I personally know like thousands of Americans who wait loyally and religiously every week for the best-seller list to be announced. After that they do a table to tally the score. And when Election Day comes, they take out that table and compare the scores. The candidate, who has books that are supporting him, on the best-seller list the most number of times, will get their vote! And I conclude that these are mostly Bush supporters.
There’s another thing that clever Americans do. That is to tear the cover page of books so that people won’t buy those books that are again, politically for or against their candidate. I personally think this is the second smartest thing to do! But I firmly believe the first as mentioned above is the smartest.
Anyway yeah. In a country that practices democracy, things like that will probably be lauded. Imagine: [in the case of America]
Customer (to the bookstore owner): I’m going to tear this cover page cos it says Bush is stupid. I mean like, isn’t he the cleverest?
Bookstore owner (fellow Bush-supporter): Now you wait a second!
[he picks up the phone and calls security] – security arrives
Security: Duhh.. Yes?
Bookstore owner: Now you learn from him! He’s doing the right thing! (points to the customer) People like him should be encouraged. Now, tear all the books!
Customer: Aye aye captain!
But take a moment to imagine if someone said this in Singapore.
Customer (to the bookstore owner): I’m going to tear this cover page cos it says Bush is stupid. I mean like, isn’t he the cleverest?
Bookstore owner (fellow Bush-supporter): Now you wait a second!
[he picks up the phone and calls security] – security arrives
Security: Hands up! You’re under arrest! Before I send you to jail, pay him (points at bookstore owner) and remember to include GST! And get ready to pay your tax after coming out of jail!
my second attempt at writing a long story. not inspiring at all. sometimes i really do wonder about myself.. *sigh*
Simple Minds [Chapter One]
He looked beyond the raging sea before him. There was only darkness. The waves continued its momentum, thrusting waves upon waves mercilessly against the cliff. Above where he stood, Jack closed his eyes, and felt the pelting rain hit his face with strong force. He knew he was at the end, and this was the point where he had to end it all.
With one last look at the night sky, he jumped. Together with him, into the sea of terror, Jack brought along the biggest secret kept from Mankind.
It was the biggest conspiracy since Man walked the Earth.
***
His body laid on shore, outlined by the silvery light of the moon. The wind blew, and the leaves rustled. An owl hooted into the peaceful night, but nothing stirred. His death was a beautiful sight, because even the heavens acknowledged that this was a death, of a truly enlightened man.
