Girls...
"God created Adam, thought he was bored, thus created Eve," We all know that story don't we? But sometimes I wonder, is it really true? Or were they created to punish us well-behaved, polite, sexually-contained hot-blooded males? In this blog, I've compiled my experiences with them, these wide-eyed (ie. green eyed), petite frame (looks can be deceiving), and soft-spoken (ie. they don't embarrass you in public but you should know when they mean "You'll see when you get home") beings. Forget "Idiot's Guide to Girls." You only need this blog to truly understand them.
Encounter 1 : You sit in a park with this girl. She gets all misty-eyed and says stuff like "Remind me again. How cute do you think I am?" Showing great self-restraint from yelling, you tell her for like the thousandth time that she's "cuter than Garfield." She gigles and buries her head deeper into your chest. "This is sooo sweet. You don't have to tell me that everytime." (Giggle) And inside, you're like how did I ever land up with this... once-you-taste-you'll-get-diabetes candy? You're wallowing in self-pity when this bright light suddenly lights up the night sky, and this HUGE spaceship comes crashing down beside your bench. You turn to look in shock and see these green little creatures in red dresses and afro-do spilling out. You turn back and want to say something like "What the #@%&?" when she looks at you like you've commited the crime of the century. "Why? You rather look at them huh? (Sniff) They prettier than me right? (Sob) "More interesting than me lor? (high-pitched choked-up voice) "You fall for that one in red is it? (Danger zone : crying plus high-pitched choked-up voice) "You're the worst guy I ever met!" (Hysteria.) Starts thrashing at you with her small little fist that can cause a surprising huge amount of pain. At this point, I can practically read their minds. They think "Ohh... It's just like the TV drama I saw just now". You think, "Stop that you twerp!"
At times like this, you wonder if Adam suffered the same fate.
Girls II
People say Men are from Mars and Women are from Pluto. I tell them, "yeah right." I mean that's just stupid. We come from the planet Earth don't we? The day we were born, our parents will smile brightly at us, with tears in their eyes. Our relatives stand by the ward bed, aunties crying and uncles holding them in their arms. Ahh.. a new life has been bestowed upon them. They
all think, "Damn it. This little piece of shit is gonna cost us even more money." Right. So you see my point? We are from Earth!
If so, then why are we so different? According to my theory, it is
because, there are two headquarters, unknown to human kind, existing on Venus and Mars! They are alerted every single time a woman becomes pregnant. Then, both headquarters will have a war to decide who gets to genetically modify the baby's sex. In today's blog, we shall go even further to discover our differences.
Encounter 2 : You are on the phone with her.
You: Had a great dinner today eh? The laksa was really good.
Her(warmly): Yeah! And the orange juice? So sweet right? Like me...
You: Haha.
Her: Why you laugh? I'm serious.. You don't think I'm cute?
You: Huh? Oh no, I thought you were joking.
*Dumb guy. Smack yourself*
Her(coldly): Yeah I was.
You: *Danger zone* Erm, I think we should go sleep early. Meeting tomorrow morning right?
Her: Huh? Sleep? Why?
You: *Duh!* Cos I'm sleepy.. Aren't you?
Her: *Sob* You don't love me anymore!!!
You: Huh? What are you talking about?
Her: *Sob*
You: -
Her: We always talk on the average for at least 4 hrs 55 mins and 59.1sec. And today we only talked for 4hrs 55mins and 59sec. You obviously don't love me anymore!!!
You: Now now... Don't be sensitive...
Her: *SOB* Now you think I'm sensitive... Don't like me already right? I know one. I can see... Don't think I don't know, you got the hots for that girl sitting opposite us just now right? Saw you keep on having eye contact with her.
You: Honey, that
girl is old enough to be my mother!
Her: Then.. Then... Don't lie. It was the other one beside her!
You: That's her mother ~
Her: I don't care... You don't love me anymore. I'm willing to not sleep, to never sleep just to talk to you. I'll do anything to talk to you.
You: Aww.. I'm touched. Ok
lah, we can talk for a while more. Adore you for being so sweet.
Her: *Giggles* My sweety cooey bubbly honey-ous baby!
You: *Shudder* Erm, yeah, right.
Her: *Giggles*
You: -
*5 Mins later* *She screams down the phone*
You: What's wrong???!!!
Her: Shhh! Keep quiet! Don't talk! F4 are on TV.
You: Huh? *Hurt voice* You mean they are more important?
Her: Of course
lah! I can see you everyday. I see them only once every two days.
You: I thought you said you'll do anything to talk to me....
Her: -
You: Hello?
Her: -
You: Hello?
Her: Toot. Toot toot. Toot...
*She hung up*
You: *Sob* Bah!
... This is not what we have down here. Down here we have toads that can kill a person. I am serious. This is one of the first possibilities the police consider when they arrive at the murder scene.
First Policeman: This looks like the work of toads.
Second Policeman: Why do you say that?
First Policeman: The victim's fly is missing!
Second Policeman: Ha Ha.
-Dave Barry ( Homes and Other Black Holes )
This, together with Don't Stop Movin' were S Club 7's best songs in their 5 year long career. Cheers!
Never Had A Dream Come True - S Club 7
Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might've been
All this I know but still I can't find the way to let you go
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though that I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Somewhere in my memory I've lost all sense of time
Tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might've been
All this I know but still I can't find the ways to let you go
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though that I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will say you will oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though that I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
The Human Heart
Dark,
Shadowed,
Grey.
Where darkness hides,
Evil lies,
Something brews.
Terror reigns,
When unmasked
And stripped of pride
That,
Is the core,
Of the Human Heart
